Pregnancy… the things we don’t talk about

Pregnancy… the things we don’t talk about

The things we don’t talk about…

To the casual observer, I look like a very happy mommy with my healthy and determined three year old boy… and a beautiful growing belly with baby number 2 on the way. I suppose in a way, they would be right, I am happy and I am very grateful!! Others are not so lucky, many of my wonderful friends who I love dearly are not as lucky. But what most people don’t realize is it’s never been an easy ride for me and for many women the journey to motherhood is not easy. 
When I was young and naive I thought… this is easy… this is what women were made for. We are life givers, we have an incredible ability to grow and nurture new life. Yes it is true we do and it is an amazing experience… but it’s not always easy and it doesn’t always happen the way you think it will. 
For some it’s a struggle to just fall pregnant.
For some it’s suffering losses over and over again.

For some it’s being told you will never have our own biological children.
For a lot of women it’s a daily battle with the symptoms of pregnancy. In some cases landing them in hospital.
For some it’s carrying your perfect baby to term with no problems, only to be told it is sick or in the worst cases born a sleeping angel.


For me it was keeping the pregnancy. I have what the doctor refers to as an inexplicably irritable uterus. Basically what happens is that my wonderful life-giving uterus hates having a baby in there. It gets irritated and starts cramping resulting in contractions and preterm labour if I wait too long to get help. The worst part is the word “inexplicably”, there is no medical explanation for it, that is just how my body is. What we do know is that its aggravated by physical activity, which is logical since you are told to walk during natural labour. 


With my son, the pain started at 20 weeks. As it was the first time I was having a baby and I didn’t know what to expect, I assumed it was normal Braxton Hicks. I thought the doctor would just say I was being a paranoid first time mom. So I waited… I waited until at 25 weeks I was having regular contractions every few minutes and had to rush to the labour ward. I was injected with steroids and told that I need to keep him in a few more days to make sure his lungs were more developed and give him a better chance at surviving. It was THE scariest and most emotional moment of my life. I was lucky though, medication seemed to calm my uterus down and after week in hospital, I was sent home to strict bed rest. The ordeal did not end there unfortunately, I was hospitalized twice more. At 30 weeks, amniotic fluid was leaking through a tear in the amniotic sac. I was given another steroid shot and told that if by Monday the levels had not improved, he would be taken out in an attempt to save him. My husband googled natural ways to increase amniotic fluid and the ingesting of coconut water and stevia began. It tasted terrible but my levels improved and I was sent home, back to bed rest! At 34 weeks, we discovered his heart was enlarged. After a battery of tests coming up negative, we were left emotional and wondering if he was ok. Born at 38 weeks and 5 days, we were very lucky to have a healthy, happy and chubby baby boy after all we went through. 

I had such high hopes for my second pregnancy. I put it off for a long time out of fear, even though my doctor assured me not every pregnancy is the same and my chances of having a repeat were so small. When we found out I was pregnant, I was terrified… I had a job I loved, albeit demanding but I didn’t want my second pregnancy to land me in bed because I love my job and bed rest is so very boring. After suffering nausea and vomiting for 15 weeks (5 less weeks than my first pregnancy), I was feeling great! I had my energy back. Work was busy and I felt like this time everything was going well. Until the most horrific pain started at 17 weeks. Much more painful and intense than with my first and so much earlier. My heart sunk, I thought ‘this is it’, I am going to lose this baby. Off to the doctor we went and I was admitted. Just like with my son, this baby was fine, heart rate perfect and strong, seemingly not bothered by my body trying to kick it out. We were lucky! Once again modern medicine stepped in and saved the day. I am now 20 weeks along, still on medication and “limited activity”. I am being monitored closely and the battle is not over. I have to be very careful to make sure I give our baby the longest time I can to grow.

Yes, becoming a mother is hard! Being a mother is hard no matter how your baby came into your life!
So lately, I have been thinking a lot about all the amazing women I know and how until one of us starts talking, there is almost a “code of silence” on our struggles. We have become so used to the superficial social media life that we hide anything that can be perceived as bad or difficult from most people. Perhaps selecting only a few friends to talk about our struggles with. That however is not me, I am too straight forward for that. My doctors note for work is very discreet and says “pregnancy complications”, but if you ask anyone, including my colleagues they will know all the details. That is just who I am, and sometimes I wish more women would talk about it. Not to get sympathy or attention but simply because it will inspire those around you to share their difficulties and maybe, just maybe we won’t feel so alone in our struggles.
 If you are reading this and reliving your own difficulties, or even going through it right now. Just know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Ask the people closest to you, there will be someone right there with you. None of us are alone!

4 thoughts on “Pregnancy… the things we don’t talk about”

  • Just was just what I needed this morning. Sitting in the parking lot in front of the fertility clinic and asking myself why….
    We going through this process but keeping it to ourselves as we are shy to share it with family and friends, cause what will they think.
    As women we tend to think we can handle everything on our own,even when we know deep down we can’t.
    Thanks for giving me new hope this morning.

  • Thanks for sharing and I really hope everything goes well with this pregnancy. My problem is just getting pregnant in the first place and though I was once blessed that second child was not to be. Hard. When my child asks today when am I going to have another baby? And it’s not the first time. I try and explain it to him…
    Enjoy this little miracle of yours and hope babes stays safely inside until the right time!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *